What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
