Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
