Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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