I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
