Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
