I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
