I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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