you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
