His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
