Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
