So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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