I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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