508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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