Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize