You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
