Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
