nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
