I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
