I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
