At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
