so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
