The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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