he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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