the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
