____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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