Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
