Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
