Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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