My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
