No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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