we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
