every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
