Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
