the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
