brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
