I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
