she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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