I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
