She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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