Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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