Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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