Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
