the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
