moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize