we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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