Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
