Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize