i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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