i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize