I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I die, sorry about rent.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
