Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
