The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
