Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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