I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
