I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
