somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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