I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Need sex. Gaining weight.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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