pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize