Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
