I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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