I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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