Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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