I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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