Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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