life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you would pick up someone in the library
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
