I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
