I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
