I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
