I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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