so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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