1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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