i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
