someone get that fucking seahorse.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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