I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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