just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
