I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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