He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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