After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
