I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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